Love.
It's a four letter word and one that, hopefully, our children won't get into trouble for at school.
But what does it mean?
The word "love" is one of the most freely used words in the English language. It's also one of the most ambiguous. What is agreed is that the word "love" or more specifically, the concept of "love", relates to an emotional state which is generally strong and affectionate in nature. Beyond this, "love" is definitely a "many splendoured thing". The term can be used in a myriad of ways, describing the pleasure of a meal; the intimacy of a relationship;the deep bond with our children; the quality of a friendship and the intensity of spiritual devotion. Although each of these "loves" are authentic and qualify for inclusion, each differs in their emotional quality and depth.
Not hard to see, then, how "love' can cause so much confusion.
Without a doubt the area of greatest confusion is that of the personal intimate relationship.
Historians tell us that the concept of "romantic" love is relatively new, only 800 or so years old. This doesn't mean that people before this didn't fall in love and desire and pursue intimacy. It just means that "romantic' love wasn't an established concept within human consciousness much before this time.
This was the time of the Chevaliers, the knights of the Middle Ages, who were entrusted with the care of the Lady whilst the Lord was absent and often engaged in a far distant Holy War. It was the Chevaliers duty to pledge allegiance to the Lady and to at all times protect her honour. Troubadours, the performers of the day, captured this courtly but unrequited love in poetry and song.
At the same time there was conflict emerging with the Church and there are some historians who believe that the intensity of devotion to the Lady was in part a product of transference of devotion away from the Divine feminine.
With this period between the 12th and 14th centuries planting the seeds, "romanticism" emerged fully as a movement in the 18th century. Expressing itself mainly through the arts, music and literature, "romanticism" was not only a reaction to the Church but also a reaction to the rationalisation of science. The defining point to grasp here is that "romanticism" was predominantly about the validation of strong emotion as an authentic way of experiencing. In other words, the "romantic" era reinforced in our cultural consciousness the association between "love" in an intimate partner relationship and intensity of emotion. "Love" in this way became an emotion which was not complete in it's own right, but one that masqueraded as the oscillations and indulgences of passion, lust, yearning and loss. Not hard to see, is it, where the wording "tragic romantic" comes from?
All of this, I dare to say, has not necessarily been a good thing.
Viktor Frankl, famed for his classic "Man's Search For Meaning" believed that we are consistently seeking and are directed by the meanings we assign to our lives. Understanding and gaining awareness of the meanings and definitions we hold to be true can be very useful. Assigning higher definitions and meanings which serve us more greatly can be useful too.
In this way it can be useful to examine our own definitions and meanings around the concept of "love" in our lives.
As I write this I am reminded of two lines from the movie "Silver Linings Playbook" that I I saw recently. Without giving the plot away, ( yes I hate that too), there is a conversation towards the end where She says: " Why did you let me go on lying?"
He says "I was trying to be romantic."
By all means let's be romantic. But in the process of being romantic, let's remember to be authentic to who we truly are and not hostages to the chemical fluctuations of our emotions. You can have the best of both worlds.
It's a four letter word and one that, hopefully, our children won't get into trouble for at school.
But what does it mean?
The word "love" is one of the most freely used words in the English language. It's also one of the most ambiguous. What is agreed is that the word "love" or more specifically, the concept of "love", relates to an emotional state which is generally strong and affectionate in nature. Beyond this, "love" is definitely a "many splendoured thing". The term can be used in a myriad of ways, describing the pleasure of a meal; the intimacy of a relationship;the deep bond with our children; the quality of a friendship and the intensity of spiritual devotion. Although each of these "loves" are authentic and qualify for inclusion, each differs in their emotional quality and depth.
Not hard to see, then, how "love' can cause so much confusion.
Without a doubt the area of greatest confusion is that of the personal intimate relationship.
Historians tell us that the concept of "romantic" love is relatively new, only 800 or so years old. This doesn't mean that people before this didn't fall in love and desire and pursue intimacy. It just means that "romantic' love wasn't an established concept within human consciousness much before this time.
This was the time of the Chevaliers, the knights of the Middle Ages, who were entrusted with the care of the Lady whilst the Lord was absent and often engaged in a far distant Holy War. It was the Chevaliers duty to pledge allegiance to the Lady and to at all times protect her honour. Troubadours, the performers of the day, captured this courtly but unrequited love in poetry and song.
At the same time there was conflict emerging with the Church and there are some historians who believe that the intensity of devotion to the Lady was in part a product of transference of devotion away from the Divine feminine.
With this period between the 12th and 14th centuries planting the seeds, "romanticism" emerged fully as a movement in the 18th century. Expressing itself mainly through the arts, music and literature, "romanticism" was not only a reaction to the Church but also a reaction to the rationalisation of science. The defining point to grasp here is that "romanticism" was predominantly about the validation of strong emotion as an authentic way of experiencing. In other words, the "romantic" era reinforced in our cultural consciousness the association between "love" in an intimate partner relationship and intensity of emotion. "Love" in this way became an emotion which was not complete in it's own right, but one that masqueraded as the oscillations and indulgences of passion, lust, yearning and loss. Not hard to see, is it, where the wording "tragic romantic" comes from?
All of this, I dare to say, has not necessarily been a good thing.
Viktor Frankl, famed for his classic "Man's Search For Meaning" believed that we are consistently seeking and are directed by the meanings we assign to our lives. Understanding and gaining awareness of the meanings and definitions we hold to be true can be very useful. Assigning higher definitions and meanings which serve us more greatly can be useful too.
In this way it can be useful to examine our own definitions and meanings around the concept of "love" in our lives.
As I write this I am reminded of two lines from the movie "Silver Linings Playbook" that I I saw recently. Without giving the plot away, ( yes I hate that too), there is a conversation towards the end where She says: " Why did you let me go on lying?"
He says "I was trying to be romantic."
By all means let's be romantic. But in the process of being romantic, let's remember to be authentic to who we truly are and not hostages to the chemical fluctuations of our emotions. You can have the best of both worlds.
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